The Effects of Helicopter Parenting with Bryana Kappa
Bryana Kappa is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Redondo Beach, CA.
She’s endorsed as an Infant-Family Early Childhood Mental Health Specialist by the California Center for Early Childhood Mental Health.
Bryana also owns and operates South Bay Mommy and Me, a center for moms and babies from birth-24 months.
Her mission is two-fold:
First, she aims to support healthy, happy families by caring for the nuances and complexities of the child-parent relationship in its most vulnerable and impressionable stage.
And secondly, she seeks to help mothers connect with each other in an intentional, meaningful way as they navigate together the joys and challenges of raising children.
Bryana is also the wife to Matt and mother of a darling toddler son, Matteo.
The Unspoken Topic
- Shame starts young. Even the most well-intentioned parents bring shame among their child. We harbor unspoken shame and doubt, but have the power to heal it as adults.
What We Cover
- What helicopter parenting is and how that affects the development of your child.
- How to get rid of shame and guilt as an adult.
- Positive discipline tips for kids.
- Learning how to communicate with your partner in a way that helps you stay connected.
Take a Listen >>
- Prevention is the key to handling behaviors that are problematic at a later stage in life. Work with your child while they are still impressionable and look at you as their entire world.
- Helicopter parenting is shame-inducing because you are telling your kid that they cannot do things on their own and need a parent to do it for them.
- Parents hover because they are anxious and children are anxious because parents hover.
- We need to define what is anxious enough. We need enough to be safe in today’s society but not too much where we become helicopter parents.
- Children are fighting for autonomous resolution. What is my child capable of? How are they showing me they are capable of doing something on their own?
- In order for us to be able to trust our kids, we need to be able to trust ourselves and our ability to guide them.
- Safety, security and predictability is the core of attachment parenting.
- In order to raise children that are secure, confident human beings, we need to model it in relationships.
How to Identify the Ghosts and Angels of Our Lives
- The Ghosts are the experiences of our pasts that made us feel scared, unloved, fearful and not protected. These are the negative experiences that linger in our bodies and minds. We may or may not be aware of the experience or the impact it has on our lives.
- The Angels are the experiences of our pasts that made us feel loved, safe, secure, and protected. These are the emotions we long for.
How to Work Through Your Ghosts and Angels With Your Partner
- After you have identified the Ghosts and Angels, have heart-centered conversations with your partner.
- Ask yourselves questions like, “what does my child do that triggers me?”
- Do not be defensive, but rather- open up about our hardships and our ghosts.
- If your partner is not ready to open up and dig deep to talk about their childhood, fully accept them. You can’t make someone dig deep when they are not ready.
- Tell them, “how can I love you better today?” “What can I do to let you know that I love you.?” “If you can’t share today, will you please listen to what I have to say and when you are ready, I will be here to listen to you.”
How to Raise a Conscious Child
- Become aware of your own behavior.
- Modeling behavior is the only way a child will learn.
How to Fix Behavior Problems in Children
- In order to get our children to listen, we need to listen to them first.
- Play with your child for 5-10 minutes.
- Do not control the play. Do not ask questions.
- Let the child use their play time to open up to you.
- Say YES more than you say NO.
- Give them an alternative of what they can do vs what they cannot do.
- Use the ALP method: Attune, Limit Set, Problem Solve. Example: I see you want to buy that toy. We aren’t going to buy that today, we will wait until your birthday in a couple of weeks.
- If the child is under 4, give them two options to choose from as the solution.
- If over 4, ask them what they want.
- Discipline should not be fear inducing. It’s an opportunity to teach the child how to use words, emotions and problem solving techniques.
- Stay consistent and have patience and grace with yourself.
- Reflect on the experience with your partner to learn from it.
Hardest Decision To Make as a Mom
- Setting boundaries with family members who don’t prioritize health or don’t value something as much as she does and being clear with expectations.
A-Ha Moment About Parenting
- You don’t know everything and you don’t have to know everything.
Most Excited About
- South Bay Mommy and Me. She is obsessed with the moms who are like-minded and care about relationships, and want to be angels for their children. There is a community and she gets to be a part of the community.
There’s always room to be a little more mindful and thankfully, Bryana’s gift is filled with the perfect amount of info to get you well on your way.
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Mama Has a Minute
- Favorite form of self-care: Pole dancing.
- Best parenting advice ever received: Do less and let it go.
- Share your favorite parenting hack: Follow his lead. Don’t worry about having a schedule. Using a floor bed starting at 3 months.
- Recommend one product your child cannot live without: Prunes to poop!
- Share your favorite book and why: Becoming The Parent You Want to Be because you can easily navigate through it.
- What motherhood means to you: Motherhood is an opportunity to grow deeper in compassion, gratitude, joy, and self-understanding. It’s a time of messiness and chaos. But it’s within the mess where we learn to be courageous and become a better version of ourselves.