Ep. 90: How to Stop Intergenerational Trauma with Bryana Kappa

Ep. 90: How to Stop Intergenerational Trauma with Bryanna Kappa PIN

How to Stop Intergenerational Trauma with Bryana Kappa

Bryana Kappa is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist in private practice in Redondo Beach, CA.

She’s endorsed as an Infant-Family Early Childhood Mental Health Specialist by the California Center for Early Childhood Mental Health.

She owns and operates South Bay Mommy and Me, a center for moms and babies from birth to 24 months.

Her mission is twofold:

First, she aims to support healthy, happy families by caring for the nuances and complexities of the child-parent relationship in its most vulnerable and impressionable stage.

And secondly, she seeks to help mothers connect with each other in an intentional and meaningful way as they navigate together the joys and challenge of raising children.

The Unspoken Topic

  • Family by family, we can make little changes within ourselves on how we parent our children. If we can commit to this collective movement, we would see a different generation of people.

What We Cover

  • What childism is and how we can raise our children with respect and attunement to really support their core needs as human beings.
  • Understanding how our past is shaping our beliefs and how to change them so it heals us and our children.
  • Ideas around “a child should know better” and how to actually respond when they don’t listen or acts out.
  • How through this work we can create a different future for our children.

Take a Listen >>

Key Takeaways

  • Childism is prejudice against children. It’s the belief that children should be seen and not heard. That they don’t deserve respect and are repeatedly dismissing their needs because they don’t support the needs of the adult.
  • They only way to stop trauma from being passed down is to reflect and examine how trauma informs our unconscious thoughts, and then do the work to shift those beliefs.
  • Intergenerational healing is about breaking the cycle of trauma, abuse and patterns that reinforce ideas that keep us limited or keep us from expressing ourselves in full. This trauma keeps us disconnected from the people around us.
  • One of our core needs is to connect deeply with one another, to feel heard, seen and feel safe.
  • The phrase “children should know better” is a false belief because children don’t actually know better. Children have a learning process. They have needs. They need a caring, attuned, safe adult to help guide them. If they are not getting what you are saying quickly, chances are it’s too complex in how the information is being delivered. 
  • A child needs reflective support, skill-building, and time for their brains to become regulated enough to absorb information.
  • There is no timeline for when a child will learn something. It will take however long it’s going to take. 
  • Children are entitled to the learning process.
  • Our triggers are our best teachers. By really examining when you are triggered, you can start to make sense of how things impacted you as a child and how to heal it now.

Actionable Solution

 How to Stop The Cycle of Trauma, Abuse and Childism

  • THERAPY. Start examining your past and get real with how your past affects your beliefs and behaviors and then start changing.
  • HEAR OTHER PEOPLE’S STORIES. Talk openly and engage with people who are different from you. Learn about different things.
  • ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR BELIEFS. Examine what your core values and beliefs are and change the ones that don’t align with how you want to show up in the world.
  • DIVERSIFY YOUR LIFE. Your friends, the toys your children play with, the preschools they attend, and the media you consume. Make sure there is diversity included in it all!
  • TEACH YOUR CHILD ABOUT  THE WORLD. Children will always show up authentically. Teach them about their feelings, the social world around us, teach them how to care for others and how to show up for them too.


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