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Marriage Not Your Mother's Podcast Uncategorized

Ep. 62: Practical Tips on Babyproofing Your Marriage with Julia Kantor

Ep. 62: Practical Tips on Babyproofing Your Marriage with Julia Kantor PIN

Practical Tips on Babyproofing Your Marriage with Julia Kantor

Julia Kantor is a Marriage and Family Therapist with a private practice in Beverly Hills and Sherman Oaks, CA. 

She has been working with individuals and couples for over 20 years and has been teaching mindfulness-focused parent and me classes for the past 10 years.

Her kids are 14 and 11.

The Unspoken Topic

  • Other than extreme situations like abuse and personality disorders, 69% of issues between couples are unsolvable because they are core differences that cannot be changed.

What We Cover

  • The science behind why we get frustrated with our spouses, how this is normal and what to do about it.
  • Tips on naming the differences between each other so you can know how to navigate them.
  • A wonderful a-ha moment about parenting.

Take a Listen >>

Key Takeaways

  • Only 31% of the issues with your spouse are solvable. The other 69% are core difference that cannot be changed within you or your spouse.
  • An example of a core difference is one being in introvert and the other being an extrovert.
  • It’s not our job to change the other person. Instead, it’s about communicating and working together to figure out how each person can get their needs met.
  • When couples take a break for either as little as 30 minutes to 1 day to regulate themselves to get them to a place where they are ready to communicate these core differences, that is when the magic happens.
  • And Baby Makes Three is a great resource. It’s a book written by the Gottman’s in which Julia’s methods are derived from.
  • Nonsexual affection is key to staying connected with your partner.
 

Actionable Solutions

 How to Navigate Core Differences With Your Partner

  • Sit with your partner and list out how you two differ in approach. (if one of you is a planner and the other isn’t, or if one needs to go out to refuel while the other needs solitude to refuel.)
  • Create a plan on how you will meet those needs. Will you need to schedule girls night once every couple of weeks to refuel? Will it be ok if your husband plans where to stay and where to eat for most of the trip while leaving a little room for spontaneity?
  • Stick to the plan when things hit the fan. Remind each other of these agreements.
  • Remember to stay as respectful as possible when things go awry.
 
 

 

 

 

How You Stay Connected With Your Spouse

They both have a parallel career of singing in a band so that creative project keeps their connection alive.

Hardest Decision to Make + A-ha Moment

  • Leaving her son to navigate the difficult decision of continuing to move forward with his bar mitzvah. He really didn’t want to do it and threatened greatly about what would happen if he were to be forced in celebrating. But Julia allowed the space for him to conquer his fears of being the center of attention and he ultimately thrived because of conquering that fear.

Most Excited About

  • She is so excited about being with her kids and seeing them discover who they are.

Mama Has a Minute 

  • Favorite form of self-care:  Burke Williams for some pampering.
  • What is the best parenting advice you’ve ever received: Don’t try to rescue them. Trust in their wellbeing and their ability to overcome obstacles.
  • Share 1 book and why: Becoming the Parent You Want to Be
  • What motherhood means to you: Motherhood is a journey in embracing the good enoughness.

 

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