Show Notes • Page 60 of 121 •

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Ep. 52: How to Solve Sexual Desire Differences with Kelly McDonnell-Arnold

Meet Kelly– Owner of a boutique private therapy practice in Canada and co-founder of Sexology International.

She offers an online LIVE workshop for women wishing to rekindle intimacy, curiosity and desire in their relationship.

She is a Clinical Sexologist, Sex & Relationship Therapist, and host of Sex Talk with Kelly on Rogers TV.

While her list of credentials is long, she’s incredibly down to earth and takes her work seriously- but never herself.

There is no normal. What IS normal is what’s normal and works for you and your partner. There’s no barometer of what you should or shouldn’t be doing.

Kelly has created a catalog of different sex-related topics that you can explore on her blog.
60-70% of her caseload deals with desire discrepancy- meaning one partner’s sexual desire is higher than the others. Every partnership will experience this.
A lot of times what was working before having a baby will stop working after having a baby.
It’s important to be in communication with your partner of what has shifted for you.
If the only sex you are having is after being touched out by your children, eventually you will start to avoid being touched and that can lead to a dangerous place.
Mismatched libidos is totally normal, but it’s important to talk about it so it doesn’t create an issue in your relationship.
Sexual health is overall health. When you have sex, it increases your confidence.
Talk to your children about sex from the time they are born. Start with the anatomically correct terms.

How to Get Your Libidos to Match

Understand the Sexual Motivation Cycle.
From 6 months to 2 years in a relationship, you have Spontaneous Desire. Spontaneous Desire is when you can have a thought about sex that gets you easily aroused.
After the honeymoon phase, we switch over to Responsive Desire. Responsive Desire is when you are neutral. You are open to having sex, and are not trying to avoid it. This is a healthy and normal place to be.
Make a list of what turns you on and what turns you off. Figure out when you have the most energy.
Share the list with your partner and figure out the best times to do it.

Protect more of your time and figure our what you need in different moments. Spend time with your friends and family. See who are the faucets and who are the drains of your life. Hangout with more faucets.

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Favorite form of self-care: Taking herself on dates. Whether it be a manicure or seeing a friend.
What is the best intimacy advice you’ve ever received: It’s all about pushing your edges.
Share your favorite arousal hack: Get into a slow vibe, Take a bath or a shower and then go lay in bed. Drop into relaxation and then invite self-pleasure or your partner.
Share 1 product you cannot live without: Vibrator.
Share 1 book and why: Come as You Are and Mating in Captivity.

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