How to Reframe Your Approach to Discipline with Tina Payne Bryson
Dr. Tina Payne Bryson is the author of The Bottom Line for Baby and co-author (with Dan Siegel) of two New York Times Best Sellers- The Whole-Brain Child and No Drama Discipline- each of which has been translated into over fifty languages, as well as The Yes Brain and The Power of Showing Up.
She is the founder and executive director of The Center for Connection, a multidisciplinary clinical practice in Southern California.
Dr. Bryson keynotes conferences and conducts workshops for parents, educators, and clinicians all over the world and she frequently consults with schools, businesses and other organizations.
Tina is a graduate of Baylor University with a PhD. from USC. The most important part of her bio, she says, is that she’s a mom to her three boys.
The Unspoken Topic
- Society teaches us to discipline in ways that are counterproductive to seeing the behavior we want to see. Our job as disciplinaries is to teach and build skills, but that message gets lost on parents because discipline in our culture is consequence-based.
What We Cover
- How to teach children to regulate themselves.
- Tips for parents on how to stay patient during their children’s meltdown.
- How to reframe discipline.
Take a Listen >>
- If you co-regulate with your children, you will teach them how to eventually co-regulate themselves.
- What we DO with our children is not nearly as important as how we ARE with them.
- Your kid is telling you the areas they need skill building through their behavior.
- Reframing discipline means seeing hard moments as opportunities to build skills. If you miss that moment, you can always do it afterward.
- We mess up all the time as parents, and that’s OK! It’s never too late to repair and shift the experience into a teachable moment.
How to Reframe Your Approach To Discipline
- STEP ONE: Approach your child’s behavior with curiosity.
- Behaviors are symptoms and communication. Our job is not to do something TO the child when they are showing you something their behavior. Instead, our job is to do something WITH them to help support and teach them.
- STEP TWO: Regulate yourself. Be the calm in the storm.
- STEP THREE: Have realistic expectations from your child.
- Keep in mind where they are developmentally.
- STEP FOUR: Connect before you redirect.
- Help your child feel seen, protected, and name the emotions.
- Allow them to have their big feelings.
- “You are so upset because X. It’s okay to cry. I know it’s hard. I am right here with you.”
- Safe, seen, soothed and secured.
How to Stay Regulated as a Parent
- STEP ONE: Know when your children are at their worst, they need you the most.
- STEP TWO: Have a conversation with yourself about how it’s going to be hard to work through these big emotions with your child. Your child needs you right now and it’s going to suck. Name the feelings to keep your mind out of flight, fight or freeze mode.
- STEP THREE: Move your body to move the emotions through you.
- STEP FOUR: Place your hand on your heart and your belly and exhale longer than you inhale.
- STEP FIVE: If you get sucked into their big emotions, all will heal and be okay as long as you do a repair.
How to Balance Life and Work
- She thinks about life in three seasons. Spring Semester, Summer Semester and Fall Semester. She remaps what her life looks like for each session. What are the needs of her family? How can she make this work? What do they need to do to make things happen?
Tina’s Gift For You
Oooh this gift is so so so amazing! Tina’s book The Bottom Line for Baby is just so incredible.
Excerpt from THE BOTTOM LINE FOR BABY by Tina Payne Bryson, copyright © 2020 Tina Payne Bryson, Inc. Used by permission of Ballantine Books, an imprint of Random House, a division of Penguin Random House LLC. All rights reserved. No part of this excerpt may be reproduced or reprinted without permission in writing from the publisher.
Mama Has a Minute
- Favorite form of self-care: Crappy TV.
- Best parenting advice ever received: Trust development. If something bad is happening, trust that it will change.
- Parenting Hack: No matter how old your children are, ask “how can I help?”
- Product Child cannot live without: Sporting equipment.
- Share 1 book: The Monster at The End Of This Book.
- What motherhood means to you: Motherhood is being in love to the nth degree. It’s about delighting in them.
Freebies From Us at Raising Children You Like
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